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When my boys were in nursery school, one of the main goals of the program was to give the children the opportunity and self-confidence to speak for themselves. Their teachers would tell them to "use your words." This became the child's cue to look at their friend and to tell them how they were feeling in a direct, simple way. This phrase became commonplace in our home and was repeated countless times during conflicts between siblings, angry episodes, and in quiet moments to help tears turn into self-expression.
That little sentence gave me the inspiration to start this blog. So now, here I am, using my words.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The Jacket

I was making my way around the house tonight, sifting through the remnants of the day, grumbling inside my head. Why does he always leave his shoes in the middle of the living room, the towel on the floor, the binder on the table? As my arms filled with my son’s belongings waiting to be returned to their rightful places, I was suddenly struck by how small they were. Matthew’s jacket was no longer than my shinbone, his sock could fit a doll. Connor’s writing journal was left opened to a fresh page of delightfully childish scrawl. One of his gloves fit inside my palm. I was shocked by just how little my children still really are.

Turning 42 was a joyous occasion, actually, but one which involved looking at what is to come (my oldest going to middle school, my youngest going to kindergarten, career possibilities, etc) and what would never be again (pregnancy, childbirth, nursing, having a small child home with me all day, etc).The clarity that slammed into me as I stared at my son’s tiny blue and yellow Carter’s jacket was stunning. Look at what IS, it said. This IS. LIVE it NOW and be present with every fiber of your being, for THIS is the gift. Yes, time is fleeting and the determined years flow by, but we are here now and here now is all that really matters.

I hugged the jacket close and cried with gratitude for that reminder.
Sometimes, the most mundane, mindless tasks offer up unexpected gifts, so be ready…just in case.
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1 comment:

  1. Bryn WhitneyMarch 21, 2011 at 10:22 AM

    Thanks, Jill, for bringing tears to my eyes (it was a stupid idea to read this at work, anyway) and a song to my heart. Your boys -- all four! -- are so lucky to have you and I'm so honored to know you.

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